I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
