Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he puts the penis in happiness.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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