I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
