I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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