What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
