4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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