I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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