I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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