"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
