And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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