I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
