i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
