yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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