FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I don't deserve a penis
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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