My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
