doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
