He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
