he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
