my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
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