If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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