I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
