I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
