I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
