Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
