Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
