The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
