Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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