i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
