I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
