if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
