After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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