ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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