i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
