I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
