there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
