Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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