sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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