windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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