Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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