Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
