girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I wear drunk well.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
