I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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