Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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