dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
