We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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