We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
