Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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