Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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