we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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