So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
