she smelled like a LAN party
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
